It’s Good To Talk…About Self-Confidence

Dr Bessam Farjo, a leading hair transplant surgeon, discusses the importance of opening up about how you feel about your appearance, and how speaking to professionals about the different options available can do wonders for self-confidence

Having been in the hair loss field for over 25 years, I’ve witnessed a real evolution in terms of how willing we are to discuss our appearance, self-esteem and confidence. While this applies to both sexes, the change in attitude has been particularly noticeable amongst men.

Thanks to a rise in high-profile figures speaking out about their hair loss and taking steps to fix the issue, the notion of hair restoration is no longer a taboo subject and it’s become more acceptable for men to be openly concerned about their appearance.

Of course, there’s still a way to go before we’re all completely comfortable to talk about hair loss, and this is partly due to the fact that we can often shy away from opening up about how our looks are affecting our confidence and day-to-day lives.

In terms of procedures such as hair transplants, the perception can be that men in particular will turn to the experts after a bit of pub banter over their thinning hair gets too much to handle, or perhaps their partner nags them to investigate what can be done. In my experience, this is often untrue and it is actually the individual who simply wants to feel better about themselves and talk to someone who can offer real, objective advice.

Our busy, modern lives can mean we are able to hide behind text messages and shield ourselves with keyboards, allowing conversations to be misinterpreted or avoided. However, there is absolutely no substitute for a face-to-face chat, especially when it comes to something as personal as how we feel about our appearance.

Here at Farjo, the first thing we’ll do is book in an informal chat with our patient liaison team. It’s important to get to know a potential patient before any form of surgery is even discussed – we need to understand why a person is considering treatment, how long they’ve been suffering from hair loss and, most importantly, we need to know they’ve got in touch with us for the right reasons.

Once we’ve started to forge a relationship with them, we’ll then introduce them to one of our surgeons, at which point they can discuss their options and agree the best route for them.

Throughout the entire process, communication is key and we make sure that we maintain our relationship after surgery has taken place – email updates, tweets and instant messaging have their place but there really is no substitute for a good old fashioned conversation. That’s why I’m supporting National Conversation Week, which encourages the country to talk face-to-face rather than relying on their keyboard – trust me, it really is good to talk!

The Big Cs: Cancer & Conversation

To mark National Conversation Week, Prevent Breast Cancer supporter Jan Greenwood, who was diagnosed with breast cancer last year, shares her story and explains how speaking with her loved ones has helped her through over the past 12 months.

Having a ridiculously positive personality did not prepare me for the dreadful diagnosis of breast cancer. Deep down I feared the worst, but convinced myself that my inverted nipple was due to a minor problem with my milk ducts. The power of positive thinking would resolve everything. If only it was so simple.

I consider myself to be an intelligent woman who would not miss the signs of something sinister. I went directly to my GP and was referred within days. I recalled that a few months previously I had noticed a dry, creamy blob on my nipple. As this did not reoccur, I thought no more of it. Around the same time, my daughter, Sophie, asked how often I checked my breasts. Honestly, not as often as I should.

However, I did so and thought that I felt one, two, three small lumps. Panic set in momentarily, but then I could not find them again. Neither could my husband. As there were several of them and they had disappeared, I assumed that they were of no consequence. A few months later, I noticed the change to my nipple. I still could not feel any lumps, nor could my GP. Within days of seeing him, I had an appointment for a mammogram and ultrasound at my local Breast Clinic. There, the nightmare began. I was totally unprepared for the immediate diagnosis, not expecting a verdict until after receiving the results of the biopsies.

In the days prior to this, the very clever and informative ‘Know Your Lemons’ campaign was launched. I realised then that I was presenting with more than one symptom. What a simple but effective way to get the message across. Why then do many of my friends look blank when I mention the campaign?

Spreading the word
Prior to surgery, I spread the word around my shocked friends and family, informing them of the various symptoms and stressing the benefit of regular checks. Many mammograms and prostrate tests were hastily booked. I was the last person they expected to succumb to this terrible disease. I have never smoked, I drank moderately, I enjoy a healthy balanced diet, I walk regularly and I have an active outdoor lifestyle.

My main concern was for my daughter, Sophie. Thankfully, as I was 58, it was not considered to be genetic, despite my paternal grandmother, aunt and cousin having suffered from breast cancer. My daughter is sensibly breast aware. Unfortunately, breast cancer has no boundaries regarding age.

It was confirmed that I had three early stage tumours requiring a mastectomy and that several lymph nodes were also involved. A scan then revealed that the cancer was advanced and that I had secondary cancer in my bones. The shock was devastating. Through this dark, terrifying time it was the power of friendship that pulled me through.

The power of conversation
Talking to close friends was a great comfort, for me and for my husband. It reinforced the need for a positive outlook. When you are at your lowest point, it is those closest to you who will pick you up and give you the strength to carry on. I was also contacted by a friend of a friend who is a breast cancer nurse. This lady was invaluable in helping me to accept my situation and to cope with what was to come. She was a total stranger, but I could share with her my tears and innermost fears. I could discuss issues that I felt were too distressing to raise with even my husband or closest friends for fear of upsetting them. She had the experience and knowledge to really understand. I have met her since and we are still in contact. To know that she is there whenever I feel the need to chat is such a comfort. Discussing your fears and feelings does help to ease the burden of this life changing diagnosis.

The most difficult conversation of all was breaking the news to my daughter. To learn that I had breast cancer was a huge blow. To be followed so quickly by the second diagnosis was shockingly cruel. We have had frank discussions since. Both of us accept that our lives will never be the same again, but also that life must and will go on. We have chosen to continue as normal, living life to the full, enjoying each day, making happy memories, convinced that, despite the odds, together we shall beat this.

It is a little discussed fact that over 30 per cent of breast cancer patients will later develop advanced secondary cancer. Too painful to accept and even more so to talk about. This is so wrong. Conversation is essential. It promotes understanding of a difficult topic and allows those affected by this cruel disease – not just the cancer patient themselves, but also their loved ones – to better appreciate the views and needs of everyone concerned. That way we can better support one another.

For more information about breast cancer prevention, visit www.preventbreastcancer.org.uk

Communication – The Glue That Holds A Family Together

Kids Pass is a digital membership platform offering discounts at UK attractions to millions of families across the UK. To celebrate National Conversation Week, Michael Kilmartin, Partnerships Director, explores the importance of quality communication at home.

Picture your living room or dinner table on an average evening… How does it look? Do laptops, iPads or smartphones feature at all? Thought so. More and more, technology is invading our private lives and at what price?

Don’t get me wrong, I’m a true advocate of celebrating the digital age and just as reliant on my iPhone as the next person, but I do find it saddening to witness just how much impact these gadgets are having on the precious time we spend together as a family. You only have to glance around a restaurant or park to question whether parents are truly interested in watching their kids play, or more engrossed in their emails or Instagram feed.

So, as we enter National Conversation Week, which aims to encourage quality conversation between people in their professional and personal lives, here are my top reasons for less screen time and more chit chat at home.

Resolve conflict
It may feel like a negative way to start, but misunderstandings and fall-outs are a fact of family life, unfortunately. It could be a serious and complex issue that’s been bubbling away through the generations, or something as simple as arguing over keeping bedrooms tidy or emptying the dishwasher – conflicts happen!
One thing that family disagreements tend to have in common is that they arise because of miscommunication. Biting the bullet and sitting down to chat about a particular problem can work wonders and will help you find a solution much more quickly than stomping around the house or sending a strongly worded text!

Show you care
They say that blood is thicker than water and when it comes to sticking together through good times and bad, there really is nothing comparable to a family bond. A family unit that communicates well will have a much better understanding of what loved ones need to feel more supported – even if it’s just a listening ear.
Regular conversation with loved ones of all ages will show that you trust them, foster the love you share and bring you even closer.

Have fun
Is there anything better than some good, old-fashioned family fun? Having a laugh together, playing silly games, banter between siblings and sharing that inside joke that only your family understands – it’s all priceless and these are the things that make your family unique and truly special.

It’s only when you enjoy some quality screen-free time together that these magical moments occur and these are the memories that will stay with you for life.
This week, why not make an extra special effort to bring back the conversation and improve communication among your family. You could head out for the day, play a board game, or simply make a special effort to keep the technology away from the dinner table! There’s no doubt that you’ll feel the benefits and more chatter will bring you closer together.
Drop us a line on our Facebook page to share your favourite screen-free activities or conversation starters!

Speaking Up At Work

Mitrefinch is a leading provider of time and attendance and workforce management software. To celebrate National Conversation Week, they offer their advice on making your voice heard in work.

In the workplace it can be impossible to tell when is an appropriate time to voice your opinions or concerns, especially if you are just starting out on your chosen career path. Whether it’s holding back an idea during a brainstorm for fear of being shot down or biting your tongue over a system or process that just isn’t working out, most of us could do with learning how to speak up at work.

According to a DecisionWise Benchmark study, failure to communicate can worsen tension between colleagues, as well as lower productivity and lead to absenteeism and reduced job performance. So, to mark National Conversation Week, here are our top tips on getting your voice heard at work…

Do your homework
If you were hoping to highlight to the senior management team that you feel like certain procedures aren’t up to scratch, make sure that you have an alternative solution to put forward. Putting forward a solution that is straightforward to implement and will have a measurable impact is more likely to be well received – keeping your point clear and concise is the key to speaking up effectively.

Make yourself known
It’s all too easy to take a back seat in a meeting, only to realise that it’s drawing to a close and you have made no contributions. The longer you leave it, the harder it is to elbow your way in to the discussion. In any meeting, aim to speak within the first 10 minutes, even if all you’re doing is tacking some extra information onto someone else’s comments. Although it can be difficult to break that initial barrier, any self-doubt or anxiety will just build up the longer you leave it to speak.

A valuable perspective
Your experiences and knowledge are unique, so you can make valuable contributions using your own insights and perspective. People won’t just automatically know that you want something, or recognise you’d be a valuable asset in an area of the business that you’ve never expressed interest in – you need to tell them. If you just sit quietly and expect people to read your mind, you could be passed up for promotions or be stuck with unfulfilling projects, so it’s time to think about what you really want and let everyone know.

Don’t overthink it
If your difficulties tend to lie in sharing ideas in meetings, it will usually stem from you second-guessing yourself. Don’t get discouraged if you’re not an expert in the subject of the meeting – allow yourself to express your ideas without censoring them too much. Even half-formed ideas could trigger a discussion that leads to bigger things, so don’t be afraid to say what you’re thinking. Not everyone is going to agree with you, but you could receive some valuable feedback that will help you in the future.

It takes time to become comfortable being more vocal at work, but learning how to speak up can help your career immeasurably.

Do you have any tips on how to speak up effectively? Let us know on Twitter or LinkedIn and tag #NatConvWeek.

Mind the Gap: Why Conversation With Our Kids is So Important

Louise O’Toole is a Specialist Speech & Language Therapist working for the award winning Cheshire & Merseyside Hearing Impairment Network from Alder Hey Children’s NHS Foundation Trust

How soon should we start having conversations with our children?

a) When they’re in the womb?
b) When they’re born?
c) When they’re about 2?

A few years ago, a colleague put out a questionnaire to parents and parents-to-be that included this very question and was shocked to find that some gave ‘c’ as their answer. On further exploration, she discovered that some people gave this answer because, in their minds, children started ‘talking properly’ at 2, so it made sense to talk back to them at this point.

But how can we expect children to have the language needed for conversation if no one is having conversations with them in the first place?

As a speech and language therapist I spend a large amount of time talking to parents about the ways they can develop their children’s language skills. If I’m visiting families in their homes, I try not to take any toys or games with me as I find that some parents who see their children using language whilst playing with a particular toy or reading a specific book, usually want to know where I got it from, so they can go and purchase it too.

It’s not always easy to get across that there is no magical product, or shortcut to developing children’s communication skills. The good news, however, is that what does help is something we’re already doing each and every day and – even better – it’s free.

So back to the initial question – when should conversations with our children begin? There’s fascinating research that indicates a newborn baby, mere hours old, can tell the difference between languages. Possibly this information is less surprising when you take into account that the ability to hear develops from the 18th week of pregnancy onwards. What it means is by birth, they are already primed and ready to start on their communication journey.

But it’s a journey they can’t make alone. To use language, they need have people who have taken that self-same journey to show them the way. The complexities of what they’re learning to do is frankly staggering. They’re mastering words, both their meanings and how to actually say them, and then how to put them into sentences. They’re getting a handle on how words can change if we’re talking about something we’re doing now, versus something we did last week or one thing versus many.

It’s fascinating to look back on my daughter’s own communication journey, to remember how in the space of just 12 months her language went from short phrases like ‘rabbit, all wet’ to ‘Eva, you can’t come in because mummy and daddy are asleep, okay? Don’t wake them up.’

As we age and mature, not only do our vocabularies expand, we’re constantly refining our communication skills to master the subtleties to know that expressions such as ‘raining cats and dogs’ (fortunately) shouldn’t be taken literally, and that ‘stinky head’ is an appropriate name for your big brother, but not for your teacher or the dentist.

There are mind-boggling statistics that say by the age of 6 children will have a vocabulary of 14,000 words. 14,000. That works out, according to Carey (1978), that between the ages of 18 months and 6 years old, children need to learn on average 8 new words a day. That can feel like a mammoth task, but it’s actually not, if children have access to good quality conversation that’s appropriate for their age.

Different research has produced some more mind-blowing numbers – that by the age of 4, there can be a 30 million word gap between children exposed to good quality conversation and those who aren’t. And once again, this isn’t down to having access to educational toys or the latest gadgets. This is simply about talking to each other.

Even in today’s busy lives there are still opportunities for us to do that – car journeys, over meals, bath times. Talking about everyday activities may seem mundane for an adult, but all of those moments are ripe for us to start a conversation with our children that gives them the opportunity to hear language in action. Even when children don’t yet have the words to take a turn in the conversation, it’s still vital that we talk to them like they can – saying our part and then leaving that gap for them to smile or make a sound that we can interpret as their turn. In these technology-driven times, when it can be difficult to resist the pull of devices ourselves, we have something unique that we can offer our children – something that television and tablets can’t.

So, chat with your kids. It’s not rocket science, but it can offer them an incredible view of their world just the same.